So you want to be a true gamer? Well, you're going to have to learn the ropes.
To become a true gamer you need to think like a true gamer. And that requires you understanding what's cool and what's not.
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As someone who knows the difference between and Xbox and Xbox One, and has gotten a 4:1 KDR in Counter-Strike, let me walk you through the mindset of a cool gamer.
"I like my games hard, but not too hard."
If a game is too easy, then it's for noobs. If it's too hard, then the developers were lazy and had no idea what they were doing.
You like your games somewhere in the middle, and anything outside of this region is unacceptable.
Also, be sure to share all your trophies/achievements on social media. All your friends will be impressed by your skills.
"X is game of the year. Y is garbage."
There are only two types of games in the world, the type of game that will win game of the year, and everything else which should have never existed.
No, there is no in-between. If it doesn't get at least a 9 average, there's no way it's worth your money.
"If it has DLC, I'm going to pretend I'm not buying it."
You just found out that an upcoming game is going to have some invasive DLC. That uncouth practice must go punished.
Make sure to let as many people you know that you aren't going to pre-order the game, and will never forgive the developer for trying to make enough money to recoup development costs. Then, when nobody is looking, buy the game because it's really good. As long as only you know you bought it your good deed will be done.
"Indie games are true art."
While all these Hollywood celebrities might think that film and paintings are art, what they don't know is that games made by independent developers are the ultimate artistic expression.
Set your avatar to a character from an indie game, and proclaim it as superior to anything in the mainstream. Remember, any game with more than 10 developers or a budget of over $5 million dollars counts as mainstream. Don't support those games unless you have to.
"It was lag and/or hackers."
You're a confident person. You know that you're always the best gamer in the lobby. So when you say it was lag when you go 5-16, you aren't kidding.
Lag is a real thing. And so are hackers.
"If you die more than once, it's like Dark Souls."
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Dark Souls is the standard by which other death involving games are judged by.
Super Mario Bros? Just like Dark Souls. Did you just ask me if Gran Turismo is like Dark Souls? Actually, come to think of it I once lost a license challenge in Gran Turismo 2. It is just like Dark Souls. Definitely.
"30 FPS is more cinematic."
There's a reason film is recorded at 24 FPS, it makes things far more realistic.
Those PC gamers who brag about 60 and 144 FPS are just trying to validate spending over $800 on their system. If they really knew what they were doing they would set a framerate lock to 30 FPS and watch the lifelike magic unfold.
"Playing video games is healthy."
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Everyone knows that video games are good for you, some are just conspiring against them because they're afraid of what will happen to the film industry.
You play video games for over 30 hours a week and it's a big part of why you're the smartest person on Facebook. The Doritos and Mountain Dew are fueling brain growth, that's for sure.
"Lol mobile gaming."
That's for plebs.
"My console is the best. All others are irrelevant."
Look. You invested in one console ecosystem. There's no way you're going to spend money on another one just to play a couple dozen exclusives.
Double down on your belief in the console you purchased no matter how much evidence there is that other console also have value. And all those games releasing on other consoles? They're overrated. All of them. Make sure you post that on social media to get the word across.
"Finishing games? Ain't no time for that."
Your primary reason for buying games is to play them for a few minutes so you have a few sentences of material to talk about with friends. If you play anything more than that you're wasting your valuable time.
The bigger your stack of unfinished games, the better. It's like a boot shelf; nobody actually reads books.
"Virtual reality is such a gimmick."
You learned your lesson after buying the Wii. Anything that doesn't involve using a controller and staring at a large screen in your living room isn't real gaming.
Everyone is talking about how virtual reality is immersive, but they're just shareholders trying to fool you. Don't fall for it.