Move over, orchestra, baseball and drama club — a new extracurricular is ready to inspire young minds and enrich our children: the After School Satan Club.


The Satanic Temple proved that Drag Queen story times and gender-neutral restrooms are the least of pearl-clutching conservatives’ problems, announcing on Tuesday that they would be kicking off 2024 with a brand new after school program for students at Chimneyrock Elementary School in Memphis, Tennessee.


“Hey Kids! Let’s have fun at the After School Satan Club!” reads the poster shared to The Satanic Temple’s official Twitter page, one complete with colored pencils, a knockoff Comic Sans font and a tiny cartoon Lucifer hanging out in the margins.



Promoting several positive activities including “science projects,” “community service projects,” “arts and crafts” and “nature activities,” all of which are allegedly aimed at encouraging children to “think for themselves” and “emphasize a scientific, rationalist, non-superstitious worldview,” the new offering proved instantly divisive, garnering both warm welcomes and pearl-clutching condemnations.


“As a life long Tennessean and Christian… welcome y’all,” wrote Twitter user @BethIsMyHandle.


“Since when has the personification of evil been welcome in a civil society,” asked @thomashenryjr.


But love it or hate it, it appears the After School Satan Club isn’t going anywhere, Shelby Public Schools issuing a statement standing by the new extracurricular.


"As a public school district, we're committed to upholding the principles of the First Amendment, which guarantees equal access to all non-profit organizations seeking to use our facilities after school hours," they wrote, per Fox 13. "This means we cannot [sic] approve or deny a request based solely on the organization's viewpoints or beliefs.”


Considering the Satanic Temple is recognized by the IRS as a public charity, the statement continued, the district’s options were limited when it came to denying use of their space. The group, they said, “the same legal rights to use our facilities after school hours as any other non-profit organization”


“We understand that this topic may raise questions,” they concluded. “Thank you for your understanding and continued partnership."


But hey, look on the bright side — at least kids won't be learning about theater.