Unless you’re living under a rock on Tattooine, you’re at least remotely aware of the new Star Wars film premiering this week. Disney’s relentless marketing campaign is making sure of that, but some Star Wars fans aren’t happy about Disney’s treatment of the film franchise itself. Disney and Lucasfilm representatives announced last year that only the Star Wars feature films, episodes one thru six, as well as the animated Clone Wars series, would be considered part of official canon, but not the multitude of comics and novels published after the original trilogy came out. Of course, everything you know about fans of the saga tells you they’re all super chill about this and are just looking forward to a nice fun movie.

Not buying it? Neither are The Alliance to Preserve the Expanded Universe, an (obviously) internet-based group (unofficial motto: “less sex, more parsecs!”). The Alliance is fighting an online war to preserve the side stories and characters like Cade Skywalker that you don’t know about but your cousin Alex  definitely does.

Now, members are threatening a “spoiler jihad,” making (obviously) social-media based threats to spoil the movie for the masses who have yet to see the flick.

“I have held my vivid tongue waiting for the movie. After it’s released, well, the gates of hell shall be released,” Alliance member Roberto Carlos Moscono said from a basement somewhere. “I will see it on Wednesday at midnight, so I will have all Thursday to spoil it before anyone else sees it in the US,” he said, with a maniacal cackle interrupted prematurely by a Mountain Dew burp.

Thanks Carlos! But don’t worry, Disney and Facebook are working hard to prevent mass spoilings. There is also a Google Chrome extension,  the Star Wars Spoiler Blocker, that warns you before coming across Force Awakens spoilers like “Luke….Meesa your father,” a stunning Jar-Jar line one spoiler jihadi already leaked. Just kidding guys, stay in your rooms and wait til Friday.

Follow Mike Cella on Twitter @mikevcella