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1. Fallout: New Vegas “[Sneering Imperialist] Whatever. Joshua, put a cap in General Gobblidigook here.”
Fallout: New Vegas is a pretty damn funny game. So funny, in fact, that it ended up on this list twice!
If you have the right DLC and the “Sneering Imperialist” perk, you can give Joshua a very specific command when confronting General Gobblidigook. “Whatever. Joshua put a cap in General Gobblidigook here.”
The line is funny by itself, but funnier when you consider this is the mentality many players have as they blast their way across Vegas.
2. Neverwinter Nights 2: “Is that a beard, or did all the hair on your head just slide down?”
Not every great dialogue choice is awesome because it is deep and meaningful. The best lines sometimes stand out just because they sound like rejected dialogue from a schoolyard showdown.
The best example comes from Neverwinter Nights 2. When confronting a bearded character, you have the option to ask, “Is that a beard, or did all the hair on your head just slide down?”
Regardless of how combat plays out, we’re pretty sure the guy is already dead after this weird burn.
3. Baldur's Gate II: “Er...just how can you smell without a nose?”
Baldur’s Gate II is an amazing RPG. The characters are engrossing and the action is fun. But the best part, arguably, is when things get real in the dialogue.
For example, at one point you are threatened by the iconic Beholder villain. When the bad guy mentions his ability to smell you, your character can ask the obvious question: “Er...just how can you smell without a nose?”
If any D&D creatures existed in real life, we’re pretty sure the interactions would look a lot like this.
4. Hatoful Boyfriend: “No, books are nice.”
Introverts don’t always get much representation in video games. But if you’re an introvert, Hatoful Boyfriend has you covered.
When you try to romance the library-bound Nageki, you get two options at one point. One option is to urge them to go outside and the other is to simply say “no, books are nice.”
It’s not exactly earth-shattering dialogue. But seeing a talking bird tell an introverted book lover that books are actually nice is surreal enough to stand out.
5. Star Control 2: “Die, slugboy!”
If you’ve never played it, Star Control 2 has some very memorable dialogue options. Some are funny and some build character...and one line of dialogue does both at the same time!
When interacting with an alien race, you are given multiple options for dealing with their aggression. One option tells them to do whatever they need to prepare for death and another option tries to avoid conflict via diplomacy.
The third choice, though, is simply “die slugboy!” It’s great for impatient players and also paints your own character as a violent xenophobe.
6. Cyberpunk 2077: [touch Panam’s thighs] “Got a few ideas”
Romance in video games is almost always hilarious. That’s because, unlike real-life romance, there is no such thing as subtlety in a video game.
In Cyberpunk 2077, players hoping to romance Panam can eventually select this option: “[touch Panam’s thighs] “Got a few ideas.” It’s a dumb line and an awkward move, and the game plays it up by having her rebuff your advances (at least, at this point).
In other words, there has never been a better portrayal of what an awkward gamer thinks sex and romance are all about.
7. Final Fantasy VIII: “...whatever.”
Like other Final Fantasy games, FFVIII doesn’t have that many dialogue options. But one of the frequent options seemed to embody the character of Squall perfectly.
In various situations, you can respond to others with Squall’s favorite phrase: “...whatever.” It sums up his entire vibe and, if we’re being honest, sums up the entire edgy teenage demographic this game was made for.
8. Final Fantasy VII: “Next to you, who wouldn't?"
Compared to many games, the Final Fantasy series doesn’t have many dialogue options. And if you are expecting dialogue to change the story, you quickly get a rude awakening.
This happens early on in Final Fantasy VII. When Tifa asks Cloud how he slept, you can respond with “Next to you, who wouldn't?"
You might be expecting this to kick off a romance between each other. Instead, Tifa replies that she doesn’t know what Cloud is talking about!
9. Fallout 2: “Oh, well. I thought there weren’t any children because this might be the European version of Fallout 2.”
The Fallout franchise has a reputation for being very self-aware. And this was never quite as clear as in Fallout 2.
One of your dialogue choices lets you comment on the censorship restrictions for different versions of the game. It’s funny as a gag by itself and even funnier as proof that this franchise should never take it too seriously.
10. Dragon Age: “Feeling a little thorny, are we?"
Naughty or nice? Some of the best dialogue options have a bit of both. And we can see this in display in the first Dragon Age game.
When Alistair is showing you his rose, one of your dialogue options is “Feeling a little thorny, are we?” It works as a sex joke or as the genuine observation of a very confused character.
11. KOTOR 2: “Just because I saved her doesn’t mean I was going to charge up her loading ramp.”
The very idea of a Star Wars sex metaphor sounds cringe as hell. Leave it up to KOTOR 2, however, to make the metaphor work.
When mysterious mentor Kreia warns you to not sleep with Visas Marr, you can clap back with this reply. “Just because I saved her doesn't mean I was going to charge up her loading ramp.”
It feels like Han Solo should be writing this one down!
12. KOTOR 2: “I want to hold your gland.”
Knights of the Old Republic redefined our idea of both video game RPGs and the Star Wars franchise. But the developers weren’t above slipping in the occasional dumb pun.
In the sequel game, you encounter a character who has found a way to avoid Kinrath attacks with a special gland. One of your Persuade dialogue options is “I want to hold your gland,” which is a clear play on the Beatles song “I Want to Hold Your Hand.”
Then again, John Lennon beat them to the punch. He used to make the gland joke himself about requesting sex from women!
13. Witcher 3: “Can’t believe we f****ed.”
In Witcher 3, the dialogue options give you a real glimpse of Geralt’s character. And some of these options are downright hilarious in their bluntness.
For example, you can choose to have sex with Keira Metz. And then when she reveals her true colors later, you can choose the most realistic dialogue choice of them all: “Can’t believe we f****ed.”
14. Fallout: New Vegas "I'm A Ghost, Here To Haunt You. Oooooh!”
The Fallout series is famous for great dialogue options. And some of the very best ones are found in Fallout: New Vegas.
When you meet with Jessup and the crew that tried to kill you, it’s possible to play with their minds. When he says you’re supposed to be dead, you can respond with “I'm A Ghost, Here To Haunt You. Oooooh.”
It turns out what Fallout was missing was a bit of that fake ghost magic from Scooby-Doo!
15. Mass Effect: “It’s never too late.”
Towards the end of the first Mass Effect, you have a prolonged conversation with Saren before the final fight. And if allocated your points correctly, you can respond to Saren saying it’s too late for him by saying “it’s never too late.”
The line is unassuming. But this renegade option causes Saren to shoot himself in the head! You still have to fight his Sovereign-controlled body, but this choice shows you how strong the power of persuasion really is in the series.