The Original Mortal Kombat is an Absolute Dumpster Fire

Wxaith Published 04/21/2021 in ftw

Mortal Kombat will finally receive the remake it has long deserved. And so we thought we look back at the original and try to pinpoint, exactly what went wrong with the production.

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1. Mortal Kombat held the #1 spot for three consecutive weeks after its release on August 18th, 1995. The film raked in over $23 million dollars on its opening weekend, making it at the time, not just the biggest video game movie, but the largest August release in history. With a budget of $18 million dollars, Mortal Kombat wasn't some small project. And in many ways, the film was pretty revolutionary for the time. You know that film technique made popular in The Matrix, those wired up slow motion moves, well, some of those techniques were pioneered on the set of Mortal Kombat (1995). Which begs the question, why does this movie suck so much ass? Well, let's find out.
2. Bridgette Wilson, who plays Sonya Blade, who you will also remember from Billy Madison, wasn't the first choice for the role. Cameron Diaz was first approached with the part, but due a wrist injury had to turn it down. And while Bridgette Wilson is a babe, and did all her own stunts, she doesn't give off a tough-as-nails vibe that you'd expect Sonya Blade to have. Besides that, her one big fight scene, against Kano, might just be the worst fight scene on camera, not counting Bollywood submissions. And that's because her schedules were crossed and she had to re-do some shoots, leaving her little to no time to properly learn her moves.
3. Liu Kang is the heart of the story, and while Robin Shou has one of the better performances of the film, his character is flat and hallow. He does stop a sword with his toes, at one point, though most of his fight scenes are more reasonable than the rest. For a film that relies so heavily on fighting, which doesn't really start until the forty-minute mark, you'd think Mortal Kombat would spend the time designing good choreography. But no matter how well Shou performs, the film comes down to very poor choreography design.
4. The Goro fight is a joke. The set design and costumes are bad, even for the time, and this four-armed alien does a great disservice to the franchise. Now close your eyes and imagine the Mortal Kombat franchise never existed. Imagine this movie is the only Mortal Kombat property in the world. Would you still like it? Would you take it seriously? Or would you go, 'Wow, look at this big dumbass with these tiny ass arms, lame." I think we know the answer.
5. The biggest letdown in watching Mortal Kombat (1995) is the lack of blood, gore, and fatalities. While the game does feature the phrase, "finish him" and "fatally", the film does not lean into the original brutal nature of video games. A change we know will be made for the release of Mortal Kombat (2021) a film that HBO has said pushes against the edge of what it deemed an expectable R-rating. That being said, the original is vanilla as hell. No blood, no gore, it's only Mortal Kombat in name, and in fact does more to hurt the franchise than uplift it.
6. The CGI is pure trash. We understand things in the 90s weren't had top-notch as they are today, but there are countless films that predate Mortal Kombat, which were made better and cheaper than MK was. Seriously, at some points in the film, the graphic got so laughably awful, I forgot what movie I was watching. For example, his dinosaur looking….thing showed up on Shang Tsung’s island trying to scare people and it was more comical than anything else.
7. There are a number of casting issues that impacted Mortal Kombat. From people jumping ship to those who were brought aboard, one casting stands out to us the most and that's Christopher Lambert, who plays Raiden. Umm, do we need to say more? I mean look at that face. This is when Raiden tells Cage, Kang, and Blade about the tournament and how they'll have to fight for the sake of Earthrealm. Anyway, terrible casting.
8. Now beyond the bad CGI, lame sets, and based casting, the writing for this movie also brings it down. At one point, Goro and Johnny run into each other, Goro grabs the sunglasses off of Johnny’s face, crushes them in his hands and Johnny yells “Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole!” The line sounds a bitchy as it reads and it just one of many terrible quotes from the film.
9. Eventually, Johnny, Sonya, and Liu Kang team up and start exploring Shang Tsung’s palace, finding Kitana waiting for them and convincing her to guide them around the palace. Somehow they get lost and Johnny yells out “I smell something….bullshit!” If it weren't for these dumb one-liners, Johny would hardly say anything at all.
10. Johnny Cage is an arrogant little shit, we all know that, but when he shows up for the tournament, he takes his Hollywood attitude with him. He thinks he's better than everyone else and when he meets Liu Kang for the first time, he assumes him a servant and tells him to load his luggage. He tries to pay Liu like a helper and gets burned instead when Liu takes the money and throws Johnny’s luggage overboard. A moment that should make us laugh, but somehow it just falls flat.
11. We all know that Kano ain’t shit, never has been, he’s a merc that sells his soul to the highest bidder. Thing is, Kano’s always had a thing for beautiful women, Sonya Blade catches his eye and he made a comment about the two of them sharing a night together on Shang Tsung’s barge, so Shang Tsung kindly informed Kano that if he so much as touched her, Kano would lose the only eye he has left.
12. Yet another Johnny and Sonya moment, Johnny just kept pushing his luck, trying to get Sonya to be his beloved and Sonya wasn’t having it, so she cussed him out and walked off. But Johnny being Johnny needed to have the last word, so after she dressed him down and reminded him of how pathetic he really is, he yelled back “Yeah? Well you forgot good looking!”
13. Near the climax of the film, Johnny and Liu pursue Shang Tsung through his portal and they see the kind of damage Shao Khan would bring with him if they lose the tournament, so Johnny decides to cut a joke to lighten the mood. “"I'm In A Hostile Environment, I'm Totally Unprepared. I'm Surrounded By A Bunch Of Guys Who Probably Want To Kick My Ass. It's Like Being Back In High School!"
14. So in conclusion, Mortal Kombat (1995) is utter trash. How in the hell people saw this in theaters and left feeling entertained is beyond me. The fighting was weak. The sets lame. The casting was done by a blind person and just because a video game has some cool soundtrack, that doesn't mean you need it in the movie. I give this zero out of ten, in fact, I'm kinda bummed I watched it because now I'm not sure if I'll be able to enjoy Mortal Komabt (2021) without thinking about how bad this movie ruined these characters for me. So if you haven't seen the original, skip it, a new one comes out in two days!

1. Mortal Kombat held the #1 spot for three consecutive weeks after its release on August 18th, 1995. The film raked in over $23 million dollars on its opening weekend, making it at the time, not just the biggest video game movie, but the largest August release in history. With a budget of $18 million dollars, Mortal Kombat wasn't some small project. And in many ways, the film was pretty revolutionary for the time. You know that film technique made popular in The Matrix, those wired up slow motion moves, well, some of those techniques were pioneered on the set of Mortal Kombat (1995). Which begs the question, why does this movie suck so much ass? Well, let's find out.
2. Bridgette Wilson, who plays Sonya Blade, who you will also remember from Billy Madison, wasn't the first choice for the role. Cameron Diaz was first approached with the part, but due a wrist injury had to turn it down. And while Bridgette Wilson is a babe, and did all her own stunts, she doesn't give off a tough-as-nails vibe that you'd expect Sonya Blade to have. Besides that, her one big fight scene, against Kano, might just be the worst fight scene on camera, not counting Bollywood submissions. And that's because her schedules were crossed and she had to re-do some shoots, leaving her little to no time to properly learn her moves.
3. Liu Kang is the heart of the story, and while Robin Shou has one of the better performances of the film, his character is flat and hallow. He does stop a sword with his toes, at one point, though most of his fight scenes are more reasonable than the rest. For a film that relies so heavily on fighting, which doesn't really start until the forty-minute mark, you'd think Mortal Kombat would spend the time designing good choreography. But no matter how well Shou performs, the film comes down to very poor choreography design.
4. The Goro fight is a joke. The set design and costumes are bad, even for the time, and this four-armed alien does a great disservice to the franchise. Now close your eyes and imagine the Mortal Kombat franchise never existed. Imagine this movie is the only Mortal Kombat property in the world. Would you still like it? Would you take it seriously? Or would you go, 'Wow, look at this big dumbass with these tiny ass arms, lame." I think we know the answer.
5. The biggest letdown in watching Mortal Kombat (1995) is the lack of blood, gore, and fatalities. While the game does feature the phrase, "finish him" and "fatally", the film does not lean into the original brutal nature of video games. A change we know will be made for the release of Mortal Kombat (2021) a film that HBO has said pushes against the edge of what it deemed an expectable R-rating. That being said, the original is vanilla as hell. No blood, no gore, it's only Mortal Kombat in name, and in fact does more to hurt the franchise than uplift it.
6. The CGI is pure trash. We understand things in the 90s weren't had top-notch as they are today, but there are countless films that predate Mortal Kombat, which were made better and cheaper than MK was. Seriously, at some points in the film, the graphic got so laughably awful, I forgot what movie I was watching. For example, his dinosaur looking….thing showed up on Shang Tsung’s island trying to scare people and it was more comical than anything else.
7. There are a number of casting issues that impacted Mortal Kombat. From people jumping ship to those who were brought aboard, one casting stands out to us the most and that's Christopher Lambert, who plays Raiden. Umm, do we need to say more? I mean look at that face. This is when Raiden tells Cage, Kang, and Blade about the tournament and how they'll have to fight for the sake of Earthrealm. Anyway, terrible casting.
8. Now beyond the bad CGI, lame sets, and based casting, the writing for this movie also brings it down. At one point, Goro and Johnny run into each other, Goro grabs the sunglasses off of Johnny’s face, crushes them in his hands and Johnny yells “Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole!” The line sounds a bitchy as it reads and it just one of many terrible quotes from the film.
9. Eventually, Johnny, Sonya, and Liu Kang team up and start exploring Shang Tsung’s palace, finding Kitana waiting for them and convincing her to guide them around the palace. Somehow they get lost and Johnny yells out “I smell something….bullshit!” If it weren't for these dumb one-liners, Johny would hardly say anything at all.
10. Johnny Cage is an arrogant little shit, we all know that, but when he shows up for the tournament, he takes his Hollywood attitude with him. He thinks he's better than everyone else and when he meets Liu Kang for the first time, he assumes him a servant and tells him to load his luggage. He tries to pay Liu like a helper and gets burned instead when Liu takes the money and throws Johnny’s luggage overboard. A moment that should make us laugh, but somehow it just falls flat.
11. We all know that Kano ain’t shit, never has been, he’s a merc that sells his soul to the highest bidder. Thing is, Kano’s always had a thing for beautiful women, Sonya Blade catches his eye and he made a comment about the two of them sharing a night together on Shang Tsung’s barge, so Shang Tsung kindly informed Kano that if he so much as touched her, Kano would lose the only eye he has left.
12. Yet another Johnny and Sonya moment, Johnny just kept pushing his luck, trying to get Sonya to be his beloved and Sonya wasn’t having it, so she cussed him out and walked off. But Johnny being Johnny needed to have the last word, so after she dressed him down and reminded him of how pathetic he really is, he yelled back “Yeah? Well you forgot good looking!”
13. Near the climax of the film, Johnny and Liu pursue Shang Tsung through his portal and they see the kind of damage Shao Khan would bring with him if they lose the tournament, so Johnny decides to cut a joke to lighten the mood. “"I'm In A Hostile Environment, I'm Totally Unprepared. I'm Surrounded By A Bunch Of Guys Who Probably Want To Kick My Ass. It's Like Being Back In High School!"
14. So in conclusion, Mortal Kombat (1995) is utter trash. How in the hell people saw this in theaters and left feeling entertained is beyond me. The fighting was weak. The sets lame. The casting was done by a blind person and just because a video game has some cool soundtrack, that doesn't mean you need it in the movie. I give this zero out of ten, in fact, I'm kinda bummed I watched it because now I'm not sure if I'll be able to enjoy Mortal Komabt (2021) without thinking about how bad this movie ruined these characters for me. So if you haven't seen the original, skip it, a new one comes out in two days!

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Mortal Kombat held the #1 spot for three consecutive weeks after its release on August 18th, 1995. The film raked in over $23 million dollars on its opening weekend, making it at the time, not just the biggest video game movie, but the largest August release in history. With a budget of $18 million dollars, Mortal Kombat wasn't some small project. And in many ways, the film was pretty revolutionary for the time. You know that film technique made popular in The Matrix, those wired up slow motion moves, well, some of those techniques were pioneered on the set of Mortal Kombat (1995). Which begs the question, why does this movie suck so much ass? Well, let's find out.

14/14

1/14