15 Funny 'Adult Only' Games That Should Have Been Burned
PocketEpiphany Published 08/21/2022 in Funny
Generally, video games are an escape from the real world. You don't have to pay bills in video games or drive your kids to school, and you can also take a break from thinking about sex. But some video game developers have decided to make video games entirely about sex, presumably using the video game to occupy some kind of liminal space between being not horny and horny. Adult only games are always a waste of time, but gosh darn it if they aren't really funny to look at. Here's the absolute worst adult only games ever made.
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1. Custer’s Revenge
Custer’s Revenge for the Atari 2600 is arguably the most notorious game on this list.
You play as General Custer as he tries to rape a tied-up Native American woman.
This game is the perfect storm of awful graphics, awful gameplay, and the worst possible plot a developer could come up with.
2. Lula 3D
In some ways, Lula 3D is the worst kind of porn title. You play as a pornstar hungry for more work who must solve a kidnapping.
The premise sounds intriguing until you realize the gameplay is nothing but dumb jokes and solving puzzles by getting naked.
3. The Joy of Sex
On one hand, The Joy of Sex is a useful resource for those new to the world of romance, making it better than the exploitative titles on this list.
On the other hand, anyone getting romantic tips from a Philips CD-i disc was never in danger of having sex in the first place.
4. Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber
Sometimes adults-only titles hide their perversions deep within the game. Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber, a PC game about spying on women as they use the toilet, has the perversion right there in the title.
If you’re into panties, pee, and poo, this game’s for you.
5. Peak Entertainment Casinos
Unlike other gambling games on this list, Peak Entertainment Casinos has no nudity or sex. Instead, developers sought out the relatively-new Adults Only rating to discourage underage gambling.
As it turns out, the only thing sadder than AO games with lots of perverted sex is an AO game with no sex at all.
6. Playboy Screensaver: The Women of Playboy
Playboy Screensaver: The Women of Playboy is a PC “game” from an era where you bought screensavers over the counter.
The gimmick? The screensaver images are naked women. Trust us, even in 1995 there were much better ways to see naked women online.
Ever watch Ranma ½ and wish the whole thing was really sleazy? In that case, you’ll enjoy the X-Change series of video games.
These titles focus on a man who keeps getting transformed into a woman and the sexual escapades that occur afterward.
You’re probably better off just sticking with the Ranma ½ fanfiction.
8. Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude Uncut and Uncensored
Video games, like movies, tend to bring old franchises back to life, though some of them should have stayed dead.
That’s the case with Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude Uncut and Uncensored, a game which recycled the tired jokes and gameplay of earlier Leisure Suit Larry games onto consoles like Xbox and PlayStation 2.
The only market for this game is people who love cartoon porn, and the internet has plenty of that for free, minus the excruciating gameplay.
9. Beat’em and Eat’em
Beat’em and Eat’em for the Atari 2600 has a simple premise: you play as naked women trying to catch the semen from a masturbating man before it touches the ground.
The gameplay is dull and the premise is insane, but the game has one funny detail: you get an extra turn for every 69 points.
10. Bubble Bath Babes
Ever play games like Tetris or Puzzle Bobble and think, “What this is really missing are boobies?”
In that case, you’ll love Bubble Bath Babes for the NES, a game that rewards good gameplay with low-quality 8-bit nudes.
The perverts who play this should just stick to staring at Samus in a bikini.
11. The Guy Game
What could make playing trivia games by yourself even sadder? Playing trivia games in the hopes of seeing naked women.
That’s the premise of The Guy Game, a forgettable PS2 title that is most notorious for “accidentally” including a naked underage woman.
12. Strip Fighter 2
Why create a new game concept when you can steal a good one? As the name implies, Strip Fighter 2 is a terrible Street Fighter II ripoff where the players are all scantily-clad women.
Play well enough and you get to see different “strip fighters” in various states of undress.
Of course the real thing getting stripped is your dignity.
13. Lula: The Sexy Empire
We’ll say this about Lula: The Sexy Empire: this PC title wears its sleaziness like a badge of honor.
Much of the gameplay involves designing pornographic movies, right down to storyboards and titles. You can also run erotic boutiques that presumably sell crappy games just like this one.
14. Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties
Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties is an insane 3DO game that isn’t just a bad Adults Only game—it’s one of the worst games ever made.
It combines still images, bizarre branching storylines, and utterly baffling voice acting.
Your reward for putting up with all this crap is a handful of nude images, and you’ll have to input a code to see everything uncensored.
Keep in mind the 3DO cost $699 when it came out in 1993. Anyone who could afford that system could have just bought a few Penthouse issues instead.
15. Hot Slots
The premise of Hot Slots on the NES is simple enough: you keep playing digital slot machines until the image of a hostess loses all her clothes and becomes naked.
It’s not the worst game on this list, but the idea of virtually gambling for hours for nothing more than the sight of an 8-bit boob might make this the saddest game on this list.
And the name alone should send a few developers to horny jail.
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