The time a fourth grader asked me to show him my dong. Loudly. In front of his entire class. I’m a music teacher. And a female. He meant he wanted to see a gong. - urbancowgirl42

One child called another "li'l hot dog" and the victim was utterly distraught. I somehow managed to convince him I was crying because it's such a mean thing to call someone. - insignismemoria

My first year teaching, I was going over the parts of a parabola. So I had my boring ole parabola up and I drew a dot at the vertex. Some kid goes, "that is the easy one to remember, it's the nipple of the titty." I had to keep facing the board for a bit so push back the smile. - Makenshine

We were playing a phonics game. There were two teams; one person from each team had to say a rhyming word of the word that I said. I said “pick”, a student said “dick”. I’m thankful the rest of the class didn’t know what that was. - uwubutcuter

Field trip instructor. I was leading a discussion on food chains with some 4th graders and asked what we call animals that only eat plants. The answer I got was virgins. - Evolving_Dore

I had a kid who got extremely angry because I told him that he couldn’t do something (don’t remember what). He started stomping and screaming and became so angry that he dropped his pants and stood there in his underwear glaring at me. I wanted to laugh so bad but it would have just pissed him off more and that would not have helped the situation. - talibob

I’m a history teacher. We were looking in the textbook at a section on the founding fathers. Several of them had their own subheadings and a little paragraph about them. Like this: George Washington (1732-1799), Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), Benjamin Franklin (1707-1790), I then have a student raise their hand and ask, completely serious, “If you call these numbers, do they still work?” She thought their birth and death dates were their phone numbers. I teach high school, the class lost their shit, and it took everything in me to keep a straight face. - snapdown91

Fifth grader told me he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up so he could "make babies". I changed the subject. - wubbzyove

When I taught first grade kid #1 says kid #2 said the B word. I inquired what was the B word? Kid #1 says Bagina. Had to clench my teeth together to keep from laughing. - CA_catwhispurr

I used to teach English to Korean kids. They had to do some writing and one wrote about their pet cat. The family called it pussy. The whole piece was about how much his dad likes pussy. - Stowford164

I teach English to Japanese kids, alongside a native Japanese teacher, and one day they asked me the English word for 白菜 (hakusai), which I now know is like, Chinese cabbage or napa cabbage, but I didn't know at the time and ended up using google translate on the big PC screen in the front of the class. For some reason, the English traslation came up as "white rape" (???) and I guess the Japanese teacher mistook my baffled reaction as an inability to prounce the word or something, because before I knew it he hit the lil audio button and "white rape" was being spoken aloud to the whole class. It was such a surreal moment and I was the only one in the room that could appreciate the absurdity. I had to just play it off like, "Uhhhh, nope, that's not it! Let's uhh, let's just move on..." Pretty sure that memory will be in my life review when I die. - atttaraxia

I used to teach 3rd graders (non-native English), and one time one of them ran up to me to tattle on his classmate and said "Teacher, Teacher, Tunwa just said 'FUCK YOU!'!!", so Tunwa, who was running behind him goes "No teacher, no!! I only said 'FUCK' I didn't say *looks around and starts to whisper* '...you...'" I was like, "No, no! That's not the bad word, it's the other one!", but I was dying, I had to turn around and go laugh behind a corner. - nickbkk

We were doing a lab testing density of objects - including wooden, rubber, and styrofoam balls. In the middle of class a student loudly yells out, “Stop touching my balls!” I legitimately couldn’t breathe for a minute. - AJEstes

don't know how my teacher kept a straight face on this tbh.... history teacher would always say "let's get quizzical" when we had a quiz. one day we had a test so my friend raised his hand "oh Mr m don't you mean 'let's get testical'?" teacher just said " you can do that on your own time Brian" as our 8th grade class lost our shit. - themoonhasgone

I asked my kindergartners if anyone knew what a period was (while teaching sentence punctuation) and one boy enthusiastically says “yeah, my mom has them in the bathroom!!” - mrs_chanandlerr_bong