Robin Williams: You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. -AllModsEatShit

Jim Carrey: When you create yourself, you're going to have to either let this creation go and take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are. Or you're gonna have to kill who you really are and fall into your grave grasping onto a character that you never were. -fw3d

George Carlin: They call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. -Thick_Entertainer_68

Stewart Lee: If God exists, why did he invent atheist comedians? -Black_Crow_Dog

Ricky Gervais: When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful & difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid. -Mello1182

Bill Hicks: Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace. -FreedomDeliverUs

Doug Stanhope: Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in. -NotADogIzswear2020

Mitch Hedberg: So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that’s funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn’t funny. -Icy-Farm-9362

Sam Kinison: If you're gonna miss heaven why do it by two inches? -BeerBrat

Bo Burnham: Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own. -beatmate6000

James Acaster: What if every relationship you’re in is just someone slowly figuring out they don’t like you as much as they’d hoped they would? -Cleanitupjohny

Kathleen Madigan: At least my religion was made up before T.V. -Lurker100015

Norm MacDonald: It's one thing to make people laugh, it's another thing to make people smile. -MuddyBootsWilliams

Anthony Jeselnik: People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a mean but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect. -dadshipseries

Stephen Colbert: If less is more, how much more could we less. -thsisBen2