The 15 Dumbest Guns In Video Game History
Do you like to play action and shooter games? If so, you know that half the fun of these titles is finding cool and unforgettable...
Published 3 years ago in Facepalm
However, not every weapon is a winner. And some are downright stupid. With that in mind, let’s review the stupidest guns in video game history.
1
The Pea Shooter
Do we still count it as a stupid gun if the video game developer admits that it’s stupid? That is the conundrum we are facing with the Pea Shooter from Enter the Gungeon.
There is no doubt that this gun, which barely causes any damage, is like a bad joke. But considering that the game labels this as “baby’s first gun,” it seems like the devs knew damn well what they were doing.2
Kolibri
In Battlefield 1, we can credit the Kolibri with one (and only one) thing. This is a weapon that looks as stupid as it is!
This tiny gun packs a terrible combo of low damage and a loud firing mechanism. How bad is this gun? You are literally better off using melee attacks than shooting anyone with this gun!3
Pipe Gun
It’s difficult to pick the worst weapon in Fallout 4. But upon further reflection, it simply has to be the Pipe Gun.
I mean, the weapon is realistic in that it looks and plays like a rusty piece of crap that may fall apart if you look at it the wrong way. But that doesn’t exactly keep us coming back for more in terms of rewarding gameplay!4
The Bane Borderlands 2 knows how to keep players coming back with cool weapons. But once you get The Bane, you may be tempted to stop playing altogether.
The gun is pretty bad simply because it is slow, sluggish, and does very little damage. But what takes this weapon over the edge in terms of stupidity is that it screams at you every time you fire it. That’s right: this annoying gun also makes an annoying yelling noise every time you pull the trigger.5
The Blaster
What do you imagine when you think about “crappy sci-fi weapon?” The image that just sprang to mind is going to look and play a lot like the Blaster from Quake II.
The pistol is weak, it sounds like a joke, and players can’t wait to ditch this for something stronger. Honestly, crappy weapon design is just one more reason that the Quake franchise hasn’t enjoyed the same reputation as the Doom franchise.6
Chemical Thrower
There are certain guns in video games that would be amazing if you simply got them earlier in the game. And with Bioshock, the best example of this is the Chemical Thrower.
This weapon lets you blast enemies with elemental powers like fire, ice, and electricity. But by the time you get the gun, your character will have mastered using those abilities with plasmids instead of guns. And that’s enough to make this cool gun downright redundant.7
DK Pistol
What makes a video game gun really useless? In the case of Just Cause 3, that would be having a gun that doesn’t do any damage at all!
The DK Pistol exists only to enlarge the heads of various characters and creatures. There is a certain fun into making everyone a bobblehead, but this gun doesn’t really help you kill your enemies.8
Water Gun
No series has balanced cool and crazy weaponry quite like Metal Gear Solid. But the fifth entry in this franchise takes things to an even weirder level by using a water gun.
In the right hands, this water pistol can do things like disable enemy electronics or put our fires. But 99% of the time, it is a crappy gun without any real stopping power. And it even takes up room in your inventory, making this a crappy weapon all the way around.9
The Staff
Did you ever play Heretic back in the day? If not, just picture a fantasy mod of the original Doom and you’ll know what to expect.
The game gives you many cool magical artifacts and weapons to use. But the starting staff is just this weak and impotent little weapon. You won’t feel like Gandalf: instead, you’ll feel like upgrading to the crossbow almost right away.10
Flamethrower
Dead Space takes more than a few bits of design inspiration from Alien and Aliens. Because of this, you might expect the flamethrower in the game to be a real kickass weapon.
Sadly, this weapon eats up your ammo while doing very little damage. It’s the worst of both worlds and enough to make you ditch the gun at the earliest opportunity.11
BB Gun
In Fallout 3, the developers give you some crappy early weapons to make you seek out something better. But it doesn’t get much worse than the damn BB gun!
While the gun boasts unlimited ammo, it is one of the weakest weapons in the game. And it ends up being surprisingly realistic because this gun is just as useful for navigating the apocalypse as you imagined a BB gun would be!12
The Pistol
Many FPS games give you a pistol as a starting weapon. But few starting pistols are as dumb as the one from the original Doom.
Honestly, firing this gun is just a step above punching demons with your fist. Some players justify the pistol by saying its weak design makes you appreciate the shotgun that much more. But that just sounds like “this is a really crappy gun” with more words to us.13
The Slingshot
Longtime readers know I have a love/hate relationship with the insane game Super 3D Noah's Ark. It’s a terrible game that uses the Wolfenstein 3D engine to help you gather animals up for Noah’s boat so they can survive God wiping out almost all life on Earth.
But love or hate the premise, we can all agree that the starting “gun”--a slingshot--is stupid as hell. It has low power and almost no real animation, so even the act of firing it will make you feel like going out and committing some sins.14
The Needler
The Needler from Halo is a flashy weapon in the most literal sense. Hitting your enemy with a dozen neon needles until they die sounds like a great way to show off!
Unfortunately, the Needle in most games has both poor tracking and low damage. Bungie tried to make it better in subsequent games, but only after this gun cemented itself as the worst weapon in all of Halo.15
The Klobb
In GoldenEye 007 for the N64, weapon accuracy wasn’t a real priority for the programmers. Still, though, some weapons were much worse than others.
And among the guns, the Klobb was the absolute worst. It had very little power, crappy accuracy, and it even looked stupid. Getting this gun was the in-game equivalent of having to play with your buddy’s crappy third-party controller.
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