18 Odd Things Overheard by Pizza Delivery Drivers

Nathan Johnson Published 09/11/2020 in Funny

Delivery drivers have some of the best stories.

Back in my youth I had several friends who were delivery drivers and some of the stories they'd come home with were absolutely amazing.

Because most people have such fleeting interactions with them and are focused more on the pizza they're about to eat rather than the person currently holding it, a lot of people approach the situation pretty casually in the midst of whatever weird s**t they were previously doing. They have no regard for any judgment this stranger might make because he/she is essentially nonexistent to them. This means delivery drivers often see some of the weirdest s**t imaginable.

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1.
Woman’s voice from inside the house: Is he hot? Woman at the door: No
2.
A party of about 40 drunk teenagers “hiding” as soon as the doorbell rang, not sure if they forgot they ordered food and thought I was the cops but it was pretty entertaining seeing a bunch of drunk ass kids failing to hide.
3.
Years back I delivered to a swanky hotel downtown. As I came up to the room I heard moans of pleasure, but I was exhausted and not having it, so instead of politely calling the guy’s phone I just banged on the door. There was some mumbling and then an overweight and VERY sweaty middle aged man answered. After he paid and closed the door I heard the woman yell, “YOU ORDERED PIZZA??! WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”
4.
This was after the transaction but there was like a family gathering in the house and I was saying bye and a little girl who couldn’t have been more than 5 years old told me in very happily and enthusiastically “GO F**K YOURSELF!”. Lol the family was mortified but I was cracking up.
5.
Perfume Lady! I delivered for Dominos in 94 in Cape Girardeau, MO. Once a month caller ID would show up with "perfume lady" (she was saved in the computer that way). The rules were simple. Deliver pizza to trailer. Place pizza on doorstep. Pick up envelope left on porch for pizza. Knock on door. Walk to car. Do not look back. Do not look in envelope. Do not wait to see what perfume lady looks like. When we got to the store, the cash for the pizza was there and a $100.00 tip. The envelope was soaked in her perfume. Never knew what she looked like. A man? A horribly disfigured monster? A beautiful milf? Nobody was willing to not get that delivery again by waiting to see.
6.
I worked at Domino’s in The Netherlands and worked as delivery guy. On a regular work day I delivered a Margaretha pizza to an eldery women in a wheelchair, she lived in a house for elderly. She invited me to come in because she couldn’t eat the pizza in slices, she asked me to cut the pizza in little pieces, and so I did. I stayed for a little while because she told me she hadn’t had a pizza for years, it was her husbands favorite fast food. he died a couple months ago, she told me. I will never forget how happy she was to talk someone.She enjoyed the shit out of the pizza
7.
A man answered the door, and behind him there was a woman in a dog cage. She was screming “HELP ME LET ME OUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO ME!” and he snapped around and yelled “SHUT UP WE BOUGHT YOU A PIZZA”. I told him I wouldn’t call the cops if he tipped me well. He gave me $20. (When I tell this one people tend to get mad at me for actually not calling the cops so I should point out they were both laughing and smiling and obviously just messing with me)
8.
“I LOST A HORSE? Wait wait- I’ll call you back.”
9.
Wanted to spend Halloween of 2016 with my brother and his kids cause I haven’t started a family yet, boss decided to say “come in and help or you’re fired.” Needed the job at the time so I go in grumpy as hell. Deliver about 4 pizzas to this older gentleman’s house and he asks me how my Halloween is going. I’m honest with him and he takes me into this big ass room. Tells me he’s an architect and shows me some schematics he’s drawing up for a new home for a client. Really interesting stuff, then tips me $60. Improved my mood phenomenally.
10.
The racking of a shotgun slide and a very deep, hood voice ask, “who it is.” Nothing that unusual really. “Pizza guy.” What threw me was the deep voice hollering, “dad. Pizza guy here.” Dad comes, opens the door and it’s his maybe 13-year-old son with a 12 gauge shotgun. It’s only so memorable because the dad was the only black teacher at my high school. He was an English teacher.
11.
I have twoI used to deliver pizza in high school (late 90s)The first one was I delivered to my teacher who was high as a kite and he gave me a $100 tip.. told me to not tell anyone (he was a shop teacher and one of those guys that always preached to us to stay off drugs)The second one was I delivered to this house and I could hear girls giggling inside, they opened the door and like five teenage girls were standing there with their boobs out just laughing… as a 16 year old I was shocked and just looked away nervously.
12.
“NO, over there, bitch! Hide!”
13.
“WHERE ARE MY PANTS”
14.
Man I have a couple, but this is probably the weirdest.I delivered for Giordano’s, if you’re from the Chicagoland area, you know they’re famous for their deep dish. There was an order for one small cheese deep dish pizza, and when I rolled up on the house I noticed that there was only one light on in the whole house, presumably the living room. I rang the doorbell and waited for what felt like a solid minute in the freezing cold.
15.
The dude who answered the door looked EXACTLY like John Waters, pencil mustache and all, wearing only a blue silk robe, open, with tighty whities underneath. He looked barely awake. He started at me blankly for like ten seconds and then paid with a coupon, didn’t tip, and shut the door without a word.When I got back to my car, I noticed every light in the house was now off.90% sure he f**ked that pizza.
16.
“I’m coming” before ringing the door bell. Afterwards, he answers in shorts only and out of breathe, girl is under a blanket on the couch.
17.
One time I ran myself over with my own car while delivering a pizza to this family. It happened in their driveway. Before I ran to stop my rolling car I had rung their doorbell. By the time the whole event was over I looked up from the ground to see the whole family staring at me. Maybe not the other side of the door but I most certainly heard them laughing at me.
18.
“Wow he’s really cute!” as a group of 3 cute college aged girls opened the door… I was around the same age as them so made me feel fantastic as low self esteem was a big issue for me back then..They only tipped me the remainder of $20, from a total $19.48, and looking back on it did they expect me to hear their comment and not tip me?!?!…. But at the time I had so much more pep in my step, atleast for the remainder of the day haha.

1.
Woman’s voice from inside the house: Is he hot? Woman at the door: No
2.
A party of about 40 drunk teenagers “hiding” as soon as the doorbell rang, not sure if they forgot they ordered food and thought I was the cops but it was pretty entertaining seeing a bunch of drunk ass kids failing to hide.
3.
Years back I delivered to a swanky hotel downtown. As I came up to the room I heard moans of pleasure, but I was exhausted and not having it, so instead of politely calling the guy’s phone I just banged on the door. There was some mumbling and then an overweight and VERY sweaty middle aged man answered. After he paid and closed the door I heard the woman yell, “YOU ORDERED PIZZA??! WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”
4.
This was after the transaction but there was like a family gathering in the house and I was saying bye and a little girl who couldn’t have been more than 5 years old told me in very happily and enthusiastically “GO F**K YOURSELF!”. Lol the family was mortified but I was cracking up.
5.
Perfume Lady! I delivered for Dominos in 94 in Cape Girardeau, MO. Once a month caller ID would show up with "perfume lady" (she was saved in the computer that way). The rules were simple. Deliver pizza to trailer. Place pizza on doorstep. Pick up envelope left on porch for pizza. Knock on door. Walk to car. Do not look back. Do not look in envelope. Do not wait to see what perfume lady looks like. When we got to the store, the cash for the pizza was there and a $100.00 tip. The envelope was soaked in her perfume. Never knew what she looked like. A man? A horribly disfigured monster? A beautiful milf? Nobody was willing to not get that delivery again by waiting to see.
6.
I worked at Domino’s in The Netherlands and worked as delivery guy. On a regular work day I delivered a Margaretha pizza to an eldery women in a wheelchair, she lived in a house for elderly. She invited me to come in because she couldn’t eat the pizza in slices, she asked me to cut the pizza in little pieces, and so I did. I stayed for a little while because she told me she hadn’t had a pizza for years, it was her husbands favorite fast food. he died a couple months ago, she told me. I will never forget how happy she was to talk someone.She enjoyed the shit out of the pizza
7.
A man answered the door, and behind him there was a woman in a dog cage. She was screming “HELP ME LET ME OUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO ME!” and he snapped around and yelled “SHUT UP WE BOUGHT YOU A PIZZA”. I told him I wouldn’t call the cops if he tipped me well. He gave me $20. (When I tell this one people tend to get mad at me for actually not calling the cops so I should point out they were both laughing and smiling and obviously just messing with me)
8.
“I LOST A HORSE? Wait wait- I’ll call you back.”
9.
Wanted to spend Halloween of 2016 with my brother and his kids cause I haven’t started a family yet, boss decided to say “come in and help or you’re fired.” Needed the job at the time so I go in grumpy as hell. Deliver about 4 pizzas to this older gentleman’s house and he asks me how my Halloween is going. I’m honest with him and he takes me into this big ass room. Tells me he’s an architect and shows me some schematics he’s drawing up for a new home for a client. Really interesting stuff, then tips me $60. Improved my mood phenomenally.
10.
The racking of a shotgun slide and a very deep, hood voice ask, “who it is.” Nothing that unusual really. “Pizza guy.” What threw me was the deep voice hollering, “dad. Pizza guy here.” Dad comes, opens the door and it’s his maybe 13-year-old son with a 12 gauge shotgun. It’s only so memorable because the dad was the only black teacher at my high school. He was an English teacher.
11.
I have twoI used to deliver pizza in high school (late 90s)The first one was I delivered to my teacher who was high as a kite and he gave me a $100 tip.. told me to not tell anyone (he was a shop teacher and one of those guys that always preached to us to stay off drugs)The second one was I delivered to this house and I could hear girls giggling inside, they opened the door and like five teenage girls were standing there with their boobs out just laughing… as a 16 year old I was shocked and just looked away nervously.
12.
“NO, over there, bitch! Hide!”
13.
“WHERE ARE MY PANTS”
14.
Man I have a couple, but this is probably the weirdest.I delivered for Giordano’s, if you’re from the Chicagoland area, you know they’re famous for their deep dish. There was an order for one small cheese deep dish pizza, and when I rolled up on the house I noticed that there was only one light on in the whole house, presumably the living room. I rang the doorbell and waited for what felt like a solid minute in the freezing cold.
15.
The dude who answered the door looked EXACTLY like John Waters, pencil mustache and all, wearing only a blue silk robe, open, with tighty whities underneath. He looked barely awake. He started at me blankly for like ten seconds and then paid with a coupon, didn’t tip, and shut the door without a word.When I got back to my car, I noticed every light in the house was now off.90% sure he f**ked that pizza.
16.
“I’m coming” before ringing the door bell. Afterwards, he answers in shorts only and out of breathe, girl is under a blanket on the couch.
17.
One time I ran myself over with my own car while delivering a pizza to this family. It happened in their driveway. Before I ran to stop my rolling car I had rung their doorbell. By the time the whole event was over I looked up from the ground to see the whole family staring at me. Maybe not the other side of the door but I most certainly heard them laughing at me.
18.
“Wow he’s really cute!” as a group of 3 cute college aged girls opened the door… I was around the same age as them so made me feel fantastic as low self esteem was a big issue for me back then..They only tipped me the remainder of $20, from a total $19.48, and looking back on it did they expect me to hear their comment and not tip me?!?!…. But at the time I had so much more pep in my step, atleast for the remainder of the day haha.