18 Surefire Signs You're A Paranoid Parrot

kilgore9012 Published 07/28/2015

You can't deny that you've done more than one of these.

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1.
Check to make sure that the door’s locked and find out how much of a paranoid parrot you really are.
2.
You get shampoo in your eyes and think you're going blind
3.
You type your password correctly then retype it just to make sure it’s extra-correct
4.
A stranger bumps into you and you assume you’ve been pick-pocketed
5.
You hear the sound of an engine at night and assume your car is being stolen
6.
You set your alarm for the morning then check another 10 times that you definitely set your alarm.
7.
You go to the bathroom and check behind the shower curtain.
8.
When you overhear people talking in another language you assume they’re being mean about you
9.
You lock your car twice then tug the handle to make sure it’s locked
10.
You close Facebook before watching porn because they’ll know
11.
You get into bed certain that the oven is off then go and make certain that the oven is off
12.
Someone nearby coughs and you assume you’ve caught TB
13.
You put your phone in your pocket then instantly pat your pocket to ensure it survived the journey
14.
You send a mean text about someone then check 30 times to make sure you didn’t send it to them
15.
You see an angry Facebook status and assume it’s directed at you
16.
When people are laughing near you, you assume they’re laughing at you
17.
You get a haircut and assume everyone is looking at you
18.
You hear a loud thump while in the shower and prepare to fend off a possible intruder while you're naked.
19.
Subtle sexual harassment, or me just being paranoid?

1.
Check to make sure that the door’s locked and find out how much of a paranoid parrot you really are.
2.
You get shampoo in your eyes and think you're going blind
3.
You type your password correctly then retype it just to make sure it’s extra-correct
4.
A stranger bumps into you and you assume you’ve been pick-pocketed
5.
You hear the sound of an engine at night and assume your car is being stolen
6.
You set your alarm for the morning then check another 10 times that you definitely set your alarm.
7.
You go to the bathroom and check behind the shower curtain.
8.
When you overhear people talking in another language you assume they’re being mean about you
9.
You lock your car twice then tug the handle to make sure it’s locked
10.
You close Facebook before watching porn because they’ll know
11.
You get into bed certain that the oven is off then go and make certain that the oven is off
12.
Someone nearby coughs and you assume you’ve caught TB
13.
You put your phone in your pocket then instantly pat your pocket to ensure it survived the journey
14.
You send a mean text about someone then check 30 times to make sure you didn’t send it to them
15.
You see an angry Facebook status and assume it’s directed at you
16.
When people are laughing near you, you assume they’re laughing at you
17.
You get a haircut and assume everyone is looking at you
18.
You hear a loud thump while in the shower and prepare to fend off a possible intruder while you're naked.
19.
Subtle sexual harassment, or me just being paranoid?