25 Insane Bible Stories That Read Like Real Florida Man Headlines
PocketEpiphany
Published
01/28/2022
in
Funny
Normally, we think of the Bible as a book filled with inspirational stories. And we think of Florida as a state filled with insane people.
However, upon closer examination, many of the most famous biblical stories are basically Florida Man stories. And after reading this, you'll never think of the Bible the same way again!
However, upon closer examination, many of the most famous biblical stories are basically Florida Man stories. And after reading this, you'll never think of the Bible the same way again!
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1.
Florida man tries to kill daughter-in-law for getting pregnant during sex work. Plot twist: he IS the father of her child! (Tamar & Judah, Genesis 38)Reddit quote, u/mydearestangelica -
2.
Florida man kills his brother in a field, says he was "Jealous of what the Lord gave him"Reddit quote, u/S4MXX -
3.
Florida man, whose wife went missing, claims she "turned into something that looked like bath salts".Reddit quote, u/JaxAnGo -
4.
Florida man cuts his girlfriend into pieces after she is raped to death, mails them to every town in Florida.Reddit quote, u/generals_test -
5.
Left-handed Florida man stabs overweight politician with sword. The sword disappears into the politician’s body, never to be seen again.Reddit quote, u/Saigers01 -
6.
"Florida man caught with bag containing 200 foreskins of men from his neighboring community. Reports indicate this is the same individual who killed local heavyweight celebrity by flinging a pebble at his head several years ago as a teen." u/AndysBrotherDan -
7.
Florida man paints door with sheep’s blood. Said it was to protect his firstborn sonReddit quote, u/Cocakayla -
8.
Disoriented Florida man found on the beach claims to have spent the last three days in the stomach of a large fishReddit quote, u/Ohfukihavecovid -
9.
Florida man claims superhuman strength until Florida woman cuts off his mullet.Reddit quote, u/ComingOfCoyote -
10.
Florida man trades entire inheritance to his brother in exchange for some baked beans Reddit quote, u/ThadisJones -
11.
Florida women fight over baby until Florida man threatens to cut it in half , u/queer-queeries -
12.
Florida man kills pro-fighter with a rock Reddit quote, u/sharkfinsouop -
13.
"Florida man spends entire night in Lion enclosure, emerges the next day unharmed."Reddit quote, u/AndysBrotherDan -
14.
Florida governor sends soldier to his death to make the widow his mistress.Reddit quote, u/tech_probs_help -
15.
Florida man impales couple after seeing them engage in extramarital coupling.Reddit quote, u/HanNotanaholeSolo -
16.
Florida man with fancy coat, sold into slavery by his brothers, manages to become Lt. Gov of California, pranks family when they come asking for food assistance.Reddit quote, u/2_Sheds_Jackson -
17.
Florida man goes on roid rage and kills 100s with the jawbone of an ass, gets stripped of his manhood by Florida stripper.Reddit quote, u/Who_Wouldnt_ -
18.
Florida man offers up daughters to horny mob.Reddit quote, u/JesusChristsGayLover -
19.
Florida Man with superpowers, uses them to make alcohol.Reddit quote, u/risketyclickit -
20.
Florida man builds giant boat in back yard because "the voice told him to".Next up, local zoo is baffled. Police investigation stalled due to inclement weather.Reddit quote, u/Viperdragon99 -
21.
Florida man claims devil responsible for drowned herd of pigs.Reddit quote, u/CanadianW -
22.
Naked man steals apple from local orchard. Blames naked wife, who in turn blames a talking snake.Reddit quote, u/m31td0wn -
23.
Florida man who once faked schizophrenia to escape rival gang and swindled his own church becomes "Anointed One" (David & Achish, 1 Samuel 21)Reddit quote, u/mydearestangelica -
24.
Florida man wrestles social worker in parking lot before gang feudReddit quote, u/ThadisJones -
25.
Florida man removes load bearing pillar of a building during a party, killing himself and all other party-goers.Reddit quote, u/FoolishMcSmartypants
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- 25 Insane Bible Stories That Read Like Real Florida Man Headlines
Florida man tries to kill daughter-in-law for getting pregnant during sex work. Plot twist: he IS the father of her child! (Tamar & Judah, Genesis 38)Reddit quote, u/mydearestangelica
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