About 25 years ago I was explaining time zones to a 20ish-year-old intern at a large scientific agency. She wasn't getting it, so I got an orange I brought for lunch and used it as the Earth. Me: Ok, pretend this is the Earth.

The sun only shines on one side, so it's day on approximately half at any given time. Now since the Earth rotates (as I spin the orange)...Intern: So wait. Hold on. So you're saying the Earth is round? I wish I was joking.

Why are you spying on me? I was working in a call center for Dish Network and a guy called in, very upset. He wanted to know why Dish Network was spying on him. I tried to let him know that we were not in fact spying on him.

Which he countered with, "if you are not spying on me then why is there a camera in the damn box?" "Sir, a camera? There is no camera in the receiver" I respond. "Yes, there is" he screams "I know there is because I can see everything happening in my room on the TV right now."I sat there and pondered that statement, trying to figure out what was happening.

I asked, "sir, is your TV off right now?" In the background, I hear the clear sound of a TV being turned on. I then said, "sir, that is called a reflection. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He hung up.

I used to be a tour guide in a cave and one summer we had a running contest among the guides to see who could get the dumbest question. Keep in mind, we only accepted questions from adults for entry into the contest. Some of the finalists were:"Is this cave underground?""Will the stalagmites bite me?""Are the steps natural?""What time is the 4.30 tour?"And the winner: "Does the water go all the way around the island?"

Are you sure that's how you spell your name

Before I got married my doctor asked me...Doctor: Are you sexually active? Me: yes doctor: Are you married? Me: no Doctor: Then how can you be sexually active?

Context I’m a lesbian: So do you like get turned on looking in a mirror?

Is the blue part on a map the sky or the water?

One of my best friends came to visit me in the hospital when i had my baby. i was laying there with my newborn and there was a banana on a tray next to the bed. he asked, “has he had lunch yet? is that for him?” everyone in the room just cackled so hard that i almost felt bad

Someone asked me why I have a dark skinned baby if I'm white and couldn't comprehend how it is possible that my daughter is mixed race

“Who is the man and who is the woman” in regards to a relationship between two gay men.

Holding my cat while outside. “Is that a cat?” “Why yes, yes it is”

After trying to pull my hair off Stranger: It's not a wig!? Me: Uhhh no, it's my hair Stranger: I thought maybe it was a wig because of cancer or something.

“Do the chicken lettuce wraps have chicken in them?”

Repairing the scanner scale at a grocery store. I have the scale out of the checkstand, on it's side, bottom removed from the scale, one of the circuit boards removed from the scale and placed on the conveyor belt, I have JUST removed the board that the spinner part connects to (that spinning mirror thing in the bottom of the scanner scale), and someone walks up to the checkstand, places items onto the conveyor and asks "Are you open?"I should be allowed to throw things at people this dumb.

A lady asked if the bubble lights on the Christmas tree were "filled with colored champagne."

A friend of a friend found out during a party that I was serving in the US Army Reserve asked me if I had ever killed anyone. Sigh No, I'm not combat arms and I've never even deployed. Seriously stop asking ANY service member this stupid ass question unless you want a stupid ass answer back.

"If you're an atheist, why don't you go around killing people?" I'm worried now that there are people out there who would just casually kill, but don't because they're scared of hell.

"Continents would float away if they weren't anchored down, right?" Edit: This was asked by an 18 y/o girl in a top-level secondary school.

Why does apple juice taste like apples?

”Why don’t they schedule New Year’s Eve so that it’ll always be on a Monday?”

"Do African Americans come from Africa America?"

"Do you work here?" No, ma'am, I just... felt like stealing a work vest and working this shoe pallet for giggles.

After seeing me constantly reading on break, a manager at Walmart asked if I was illiterate. (An ICS employee made a mistake which cost the store money and blamed it on me.) I glared at the manager and asked if they were an idiot, I read all the f*cking time! Needless to say, that company is not on good terms with me, nor I with them.

My high school honors English teacher had a full on argument with me about how I spell my name and whether it was cultural appropriation for me to spell it that way."My name was a Native American word, despite me being whiter then wonder bread. My parents thought they were just being creative with the spelling of an extremely popular girls name at the time of naming me, found out when I was 3 or 4 that it was the word for 'turtle' in a Lakota Sioux.I changed my name last fall so there's less arguments but people are still weird.

On the highway looking at a car that stopped on side lane Me: oh look that guy Has a flat tire damn. My cousin: dude the tire is only flat on one side he can still drive wtfI thought he was joking but he genuinely didn‘t realize what he said. He was 15 at the time...

“Can you cut this open for me?” It was a watermelon. I was working in a fresh meat cutting department, covered in at least 3 different kinds of animal blood, and we had a bigass window that CLEARLY shows there’s blood on everything.

I use to work in a grocery store. People would legitimately ask me “ where’s the juice aisle? “ while we are in the aisle with the juice

"Why are you Chinese looking?" I am Russian

I had a goth/emo phase in 8th grade and was asked what gothic people ate for dinner lol

“Are you ok” many many many people asked me this after my partner died on the worst day of my life. My reply “no I’m not f*cking ok”