"So my a friend and I stumble upon this in the woods about two miles out from where we live last night. We were out there drunk and James stepped on something hollow. It sounded like wood and low and behold covered by about an inch of dirt and leaves was a door. It wasn't locked or anything so we just popped it open."

"This was right below the surface. We couldn't decide whether it was carved or man made. It was crazy dark in there James held his phone flashlight out and I took the pictures. It was also scary because we didn't want to make noise in case there was someone or something inside. It was really hard to see since we were pretty tipsy. The ground was really wet and slippery too."

"Here the tunnel started to get very tight again. I'd guess 50 yards down from where we started. The whole way to here it was no more than 4 or 5 feet tall. We were hunched down the whole time."

"After the tight crawl (which got pretty claustrophobic), it opened up a little more and split left and right. We started talking about going back when we got here because we didn't wanna get drunkenly lost underground. But we had already gotten this far so I did this thing I do called 1 or 2. Where I choose either option in my head and pick the opposite of whatever James chooses. We went left."

"The tunnel sort of twisted up around the corner and got pretty tight again. Here's James coming up out of the turn. Now we saw the walls and figured this part was underneath a house or something. Which was the point when we knew we should go back. Didn't wanna pop up out into someone's living room and got shot or something."

"We noticed a small hole, there was freakin' treasure inside! Like pirates gold. A shit ton of it. We were freaking out but remembered to be quiet. 'Dread Pirate Roberts' was written on the wall and we knew he didn't take prisoners." Dread Pirate Roberts? Inconceivable!

"We climbed down into a hole and found a sarcophagus of some kind. It was easy enough to open so we did. James is a mummy buff so he accurately assessed that this was indeed the fourth son of the Pharaoh Ninjamitis. Easily worth millions.

"Once we made our way into the main treasure room, I knew I had to kill James. I'm greedy and so was he. Besides, I saw him nervously keep touching the knife in his boot. I knocked the phone out of his hand so it was pitch black. He kept saying "this isn't funny....stop.....don't kill me please." I just laughed in the darkness and struck at the opportune moment. He died quickly. I just shoved a bunch of gold and jewels in his mouth until he suffocated. Easy work. Clean death. A pirates death."

"I placed James in a fuck ugly position and pissed on him. I wanted to put Googly eyes on him for good measure but I had left my bag of tricksies at home. I made my way back out of the tunnel."

"I covered up the entrance and pissed on it. Fueled by all that Hawaiian Punch and Peach Schnapps, I laughed hysterically the whole way home. Skipping and singing "JAMES IS DEAD, I'M A FILTHY RICH PIRATE BITCH.." Then I had some Cocoa Puffs and fell into a peaceful sleep. The End.