Never wear earrings: In 1912, apparently, nothing was more vulgar than a woman wearing a pair of earrings. As mad as that sounds, earrings aren’t a big factor for me on dates now. However, there are far more vulgar things that a girl can do on a date to turn me off. First date fart? Yeah welcome to my world.

Whatever you do, don’t eat cheese: “Ladies seldom take cheese at a dinner party.” Etiquette, Health and Beauty, Frances Stevens and Frances M. Smith, 1889. If a woman doesn’t share my penchant for cheese, then she might as well put her coat back on a head home.

Don’t try and be funny: A girl who makes me laugh is basically destined to be my wife, but apparently people in the Victorian era hated humour. It was suspected that trying to be funny would “cultivate severe sarcasm” – and of course nobody wants that.

Watch out girls, he might be a werewolf: “No wise girl would accept a man who proposed by moonlight or just after a meal. The dear things aren’t themselves then.” The Spinster Book, by Myrtle Reed, 1901. According to this piece of advice, all men in the early 1900s were werewolves. I’ve got sneaking suspicion that Myrtle was a massively single spinster virgin…

Spelling and grammar is sexy: Obviously I love a girl who is intelligent, and part of that is knowing how to spell. However, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that grammar gets me hot under the collar. A low cut dress? Yes. Proper use of the subjunctive? Absolutely not.

You will end up hating your spouse: Probably not the best way to go into a relationship, I like to let the hate fester over time and then explode after years of resentment and deep-seated anger. The natural way.

Men’s fashion is important: “A man possessed of the delicate and proper feelings of a gentleman would deem himself degraded by copying another…” Well, everyone does like a man with great style. Sometimes though you want your date to appreciate a little more than your new shirt.

Lady’s choice: “The rule is that an escort must wait as patiently as possible until the young woman expresses a desire to start homeward. The man must not be the first to make such a suggestion.” Now this is some advice we can get behind. Ladies should always have the final say on these matters.

Make sure you’re sat comfortably: “It is not polite for a lady to speak too quick or too loud. When seated, she ought neither to cross her legs, nor take a vulgar attitude. She should occupy her chair entirely, and appear neither too restless, nor yet too immovable.” Who knew it was so fucking complicated to sit in a chair? If I was a woman I’d probably bring my own bean bag.

Nobody likes a crybaby: This is something I wholeheartedly agree with. Nobody minds a sensitive girl who has a good cry when the time is right, but a woman who constantly balls her eyes out is an absolute no-no.