15 Video Game Ads Trying Too Hard to Make You Hard
PocketEpiphany Published 01/13/2021 in Funny
Video game marketing has changed a lot over the decades. In the early years of gaming, there was a major assumption that games were mainly intended for children. However, it didn’t take long for adults to pick up controllers and start playing, and it didn’t take much longer before brands started marketing to those adults. These ads for adults only games are some of the funniest and weirdest things we've ever seen (and now you've seen them too).
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1. I Remember When He Couldn’t Keep His Hands Off of Me!
Some adults only ads made more sense than others. For example, the Neo Geo was so damn expensive you pretty much had to market it to an older audience.
But that doesn't make this ad any less weird.
The idea that a gamer would prefer playing with his joystick than having sex with his partner is funny, but the framing of the ad makes it look like the man is controlling a digital penis with his face on it.
2. Battlecruiser 3000 AD: She Really Wants It
Sometimes a more adult video game ad tries to be really blunt. But in their attempt to be blunt, they end up being confusing.
That’s the case with this ad for Battlecruiser 3000 AD. It tells us “she really wants it,” but it looks like she already has it. Alternatively, she may be expecting herself, you, or the both of you to have sex with that ugly game box.
Talk about a devil’s threesome.
3. Nyko: Are You Cool Enough?
This product is a bit weird. It’s a special controller attachment to help keep your hands cool. And in order to advertise it, Nyko tried to give gamers a case of sweaty palms.
We see a woman cold enough that her nipples could cut glass. It’s not the worst ad, but it's fairly insulting how many of these ads boiled down to yelling “boobs!” until gamers whipped it out (their wallet, of course).
4. Video Game Xploder: Want the Code?
All of the ads on this list are pretty exploitative. But this Video Game Xploder ad is downright manipulative.
It promises gamers access to things like hidden levels and special weapons. But the naked woman also promises that the Xploder would give gamers the elusive “Lara Croft naked” code.
Considering no such code exists, this ad is particularly awful.
5. Codebreaker: Sometimes Ya Gotta Cheat
Some of the ads on this list are crass, some are weird, and some are downright confusing. This Codebreaker one manages to be all of these things and more.
The premise is simple. Sometimes you must cheat at video games, just as the ad implies you must sometimes cheat on your wife.
That’s gross enough by itself, but it’s also confusing because the target demographic for this product was far too young to know anything about a boring marriage.
6. PlayStation Vita: Touch Both Sides
One of the big draws for the PlayStation Vita was that it had a touchscreen on the front and a touchpad on the back. This made for some immersive gaming, but they decided to advertise this feature in the weirdest possible way.
In this ad, Sony implores players to touch both sides by featuring a woman with boobs on her back as well as the front.
The final result looks like a monster reject from Silent Hill, and we’re confident this ad only appeals to players who won’t be touching real boobs anytime soon.
7. PlayStation Vita: Remote Play Commercial (viewable here)
Sony leaned into some edgy advertisements for the PlayStation Vita. And sometimes edgy gave way to cringey.
That’s the case with this ad featuring a female doctor asking about your masturbation habits. At the end, we find out she was talking about the Vita the entire time.
It’s kind of funny, but it also calls implies that gamers just can’t stop touching themselves.
8. Game Gear: Which Pair Will Be the Biggest On the Beach This Summer?
On occasion, an ad will transcend mature or offensive and skip right to gross. And that’s the case with this vulgar Game Gear ad.
The ad jokingly insists that playing the Game Gear versions of the first two Sonic games will prove that you have the biggest pair of balls in the area.
But take it from us: playing video games on the beach is not a great way to prove your manliness.
9. Panzer Dragoon Zwei: I Don’t Mind If My Boyfriend Plays With Himself
Of all Sega’s mature advertisements, this one might be the most confusing.
It seems simple enough at first. A joke about gaming being like playing with yourself and a partner who doesn’t mind watching. But the ad also insists that he can only do so later, which implies that gaming actually disrupts their sex life.
Finally, the text tells us this is “a game with balls.” So after a while, the man will get special permission from his girlfriend to play with another set of balls? Sounds pretty kinky.
10. Game Gear: It Won’t Make You Go Blind
There was a period of time where Sega insisted on making the most juvenile ads. And this Game Gear ad is certainly aiming for your inner teenager.
It promises gamers something to do with their hands that “won’t make you go blind.” Not only does this assume that gamers are chronic masturbators, but the motion lines make it look like this horny dude is actually humping his game system.
11. Sega Saturn: In Case You Didn’t Notice, There Is a Beautiful Naked Woman On This Page
Sega has had a lot of crazy advertisements over the years. But this Sega Saturn ad may be the weirdest yet.
It promises that gamers will be so distracted by the Saturn’s games that they wouldn’t even notice a naked woman in their bed.
Not only is this completely silly, but their all-caps promise that “NOTHING ELSE MATTERS” sounds downright sinister.
12. Put the Ass in Assassin
Fear Effect 2 was a fairly forgettable game in a fairly forgettable franchise. But this dumb ad is quite unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.
The beginning and end of this marketing message is that if you play this game, you are going to see butts. Not one butt, but two butts at the minimum.
Unless this ad was made for Tina from Bob’s Burgers, it’s pretty damn weird.
13. Mommy, What Are Those Two Sega Machines Doing?
Somewhere along the way, Sega became fascinated with piling add-ons to the Sega Genesis.
Instead of focusing on entirely different game systems, they hoped loyal Sega players would be happy to slap things like the Sega CD and 32X to their existing Genesis.
This ad implies the different Sega machines are boning down in order to create a new system. Not only is this not very funny, but it brings into question how much Sega executives actually know about procreation.
14. Earthworm Jim: Maybe If You Didn’t Play With That Worm So Much
Earthworm Jim is already a weird character and a weirder game. Nonetheless, we weren’t expecting this kind of marketing.
The joke is that a man is suffering from erectile dysfunction and his partner blames this on him playing with his “worm” so much.
It’s funny in the moment, but the takeaway seems to be that playing too much of this game will make you impotent.
15. Sudeki: Pray for a Full Frontal Assault
You know it’s a bad sign when a video game ad looks indistinguishable from a shitpost. But that’s exactly what’s going on in this ad for Sudeki.
The ad simply had a scantily-clad woman and a simple message: “pray for a full frontal assault.” It’s neither funny nor titillating, and it seems clearly aimed at the gamers who can barely contain themselves at the sight of a woman.
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