A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad...
By ebaum
Featured 18 years ago
When you sneeze, air and particles travel through the nostrils at speeds over100 mph. During this time, all bodily functions stop, including...
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN... compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect...
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After...
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband...
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there for a Pizza and a six pack of Beer?" The cabbie...
Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it paper. Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75% of all Americans...
Students were assigned to read two books, "Titanic" and "My Life", by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book...
Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed. "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of...
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once...
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook...
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's...
A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over...
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Dodge SRT-4 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The...
A whale's penis is called a dork. Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west. The average...
Paddy staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking the wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the...
1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away. 2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special. 3) My Love for you is like diarrhea .....
1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F. 2. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan." 3. Barbie's full name is...
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no...
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be...
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some...
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting him the Lord says, "You've lived a good life. If there is any way I can make...
The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon...
A few children's books that didn't make the cut: 1. You Are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3....
