The Ten Biggest Dump Trucks in Video Game History
What makes a great video game character? Is it their winning personality, cool powers, or awesome weapons? No, the true “ass”-et for any...
Published 3 years ago in Funny
No, the true “ass”-et for any character is...well...their ass! But who has the thiccest, juiciest butts in all of gaming history? We’ve got the full breakdown!
1
Miranda Lawson
How do you know an ass is just too hot for a video game? When the developers retroactively decide you can’t handle looking at it!
This is what happened with Miranda Lawson in Mass Effect 2. The game had an infamous conversation scene that, despite its serious subject matter, that forced you to stare at Miranda’s butt. Many fans felt this was weird and gratuitous, so that scene in the legendary edition no longer freeze frames directly on her ass. Though thanks to mods, you can reinstall the iconic shot.2
Cammy
This list may seem pervy because we are objectifying our beloved characters. But in our defense, some of these characters have been objectified from the very beginning, including Cammy from Street Fighter II.
From the start, Cammy’s victory move has involved flashing her butt to the player. Said butt is barely contained by her costume, and the ass flashing has only gotten weirder in for recent installments. And these days, modders that can’t get enough of Cammy’s can are doing some absolutely insane things with the PC versions of the latest games.3
Solid Snake
Ideally, the Metal Gear Solid games are all about stealth. But it’s tough to truly sneak around when you’ve got a dumper as big as Solid Snake.
In a series filled with fantastic and unbelievable things, perhaps the wildest part is that Snake keeps finding cardboard asses big enough to contain him, his gear, and his ass. But at least game recognizes game: a nice ass is exactly why he falls in love with Meryl!4
Bayonetta
Remember the TV show Community? It was full of quotable lines, including the sex freak dean of the college watching a furry video and commenting “This better not awaken anything in me.”
That is pretty much what happens anytime a gamer sits down to play Bayonetta. Her design helps activate whatever latent leather domme fantasies you’ve been suppressing. And even the cover of the game helps showcase her great ass in a catsuit.5
Donkey Kong
Ever noticed how thicc Donkey Kong is? He’s got the kind of ass made for crushing coconuts, and in any given Smash fight, he looks like he is ready to suffocate opponents with his dummy thicc booty.
However, Kong’s juicy butt really predates the smash series. In the excellent Donkey Kong Gameboy game, we see frequent scenes of Donkey Kong escaping Mario by narrowly fitting through a door. While he does so, a downright hypnotic view of his jiggling ass is on full display.6
2B
In NieR: Automata, 2B has been the subject of sexually repressed players' fantasies for some time. And when the game's developers realized this, they caved and decided to reward all of us for our perversity.
That’s why the game has a special “What Are You Doing?” trophy that activates when you move the camera around to get a better look at her android ass. And if that butt is good enough to earn you an in-game trophy, it’s good enough to win a spot on our list.7
Geralt of Rivia
Geralt of Rivia has almost singlehandedly changed male representation in video games. Players love to leer at Geralt as he walks and especially when he bathes. And having Geralt played by Henry Cavill in the Netflix series hasn’t hurt his sexy rep one bit.
And you should never underestimate the importance of a character in a third-person game having a good ass. After all, you’re only going to be staring at it for about 51 hours or so!8
Tracer
Like we said before, a sure sign of a juicy butt is when it stirs up a strange controversy. And that’s exactly what happened to Tracer when Overwatch was first released.
If you don’t remember, Tracer had a certain victory pose in the closed beta that one player complained about being overly sexual. Blizzard changed the pose, but the new pose still showed off her butt cheeks, although smaller and less pronounced.
In retrospect, it was a better time when the only thing we knew about Blizzard devs’ sexual hijinks was that they really wanted us to see Tracer’s ass!9
Samus Aran
Once upon a time, the quality of Samus Aran’s ass was merely speculation. After all, it was tough to tell what she had under that suit, and even sidescrolling outside of the suit left quite a bit to the imagination.
However, we were eventually introduced to her Zero Suit. While it makes sense that she would have a skintight suit on under the fancy Chozo-designed power suit, this hip-hugging outfit lets you see one special “weapon” that Samus never manages to lose!10
Rainbow Mika
Once you pop a coin into Street Fighter II, you see a familiar message: “here comes a new challenger.” We can only imagine this is what Cammy was thinking once Rainbow Mika joined the fighting franchise.
R. Mika shows about as much ass as Cammy does, but the Zangief-inspired Mika just seems to be getting thiccer with each appearance. She also gets bonus points for incorporating references to her ass into her attacks. Hence, special moves like “Peach Gator,” “Peach Assault,” and “Shooting Peach.”
And if anyone of you is busy typing out that “I could eat a peach for hours” line from Face/Off, well...I wish I could judge you, but having written an article all about video game asses, I’m afraid I’ve lost the moral high ground!
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